āBella!ā A lilting womanās voice called her name from the darkness. She jolted unexpectedly at the noise, then smoothed her skirts to sweep away the spike of worry. Her heart was suddenly pounding, which annoyed her. She sighed at her own foolishness. She was obviously still just jittery.
āYes?ā she answered back.
Jackās tent was still lit from within and threw off enough light that Bella was able to recognize Doctor Kalfouās form as she walked closer. The Doctorās white clothing was fairly unmistakable in the dark. āWanted to check on you, I,ā she said, stepping close enough that they could more easily see each other. āHad any other incidents today, you?ā
āThatās a polite way of putting it,ā Bella laughed. āNo. I have occasional moments, but nothing like earlier.ā
āMoments like what?ā the Doctor asked gently.
āOh, you know, a little burst of apprehension and worry. Iād imagine a lot of people are having those today,ā Bella shrugged.
āAnxiety?ā Doctor Kalfou asked. āFear that seems new and sudden, and not proportionate to the things that are happening?ā
Bellaās expression became pensive. āNo, not new. Itās the same really, just more frequent today. Iām sure it will pass soon enough.ā
āThe same?ā Doctor Kalfou asked. āThese feelings precede yesterdayās attack?ā
āOh, yes, they just get stronger for a while when dangerous things happen,ā Bella answered in a blithe tone that belayed the gravity of the topic. āThis is fairly normal for me. I tried to tell you that earlier.ā
Doctor Kalfou seemed surprised and concerned, but nodded. āSeem to handle it well, you.ā
āIām used to it,ā Bella reassured her. āIāll let you know if it gets bad again.ā
Doctor Kalfou wanted to keep asking more questions, but she was also glad to have less work to do. After they were safely off this island, she could push Bella further about where her long-standing fears came from. Until then, letting Bella handle things the way she was used to seemed fine. āPlease do,ā she smiled.
āOh, Iām actually glad you came by!ā Bella said suddenly. A conspiratorial smile played across her lips. āEarlier, you said you wanted to learn more about my practice. Iām going to be performing a ritual tonight. Want to join us?ā
One of Doctor Kalfouās eyebrows lifted. āUs?ā
āWill and I,ā Bella answered, gesturing to their tent.
āWhat ritual, and what would you need me to do?ā Doctor Kalfou asked, sounding curious, but a bit apprehensive.
āIām only going to be gathering and storing energy. Well, transferring it too, but thatās basically the same in this context,ā the witch shrugged.
āHow?ā Doctor Kalfou asked, sounding like she already knew the answer.
āSex,ā Bella grinned.
Doctor Kalfou looked amused. āSo, to be clear, asking, you, if I want to have sex with you, and with Mister Sterling?ā
Bella nodded. āMmmhmm.ā
Doctor Kalfou stood in thought for a moment. Sterling did have a roguishness and a competence that she found quite attractive, and Bella was luscious. Still, there were things to consider. Bella was a patient, of sorts. So was Will, until his hand healed. Would this be a breach of professional ethics? She knew her professors would say yes. She also knew her grandfather would laugh at her for even worrying about it, and he was a more skilled healer than any of her old teachers could ever hope to be. Then there was the curiosity brought on by her other profession. This was an opportunity to learn a new form of magic. She simply could not pass that up. āWant to, yes,ā she smiled. āFirst though, must tell you something, I.ā
āTell me what?ā Bella smiled, excited to see where this was going.
āNever been with a man, I,ā Friday admitted.
āBut you want to?ā Bella asked.
āYes, but not tonight,ā Friday said firmly.
āSaving yourself for marriage?ā Bella asked, deciding to keep her opinions on the concept of virginity to herself.
Friday laughed. āNot at all. Saving myself for the right ritual.ā
āI donāt understand,ā Bella said, tilting her head in confusion.
āThere is power in that blood, and it can only be gathered once,ā Friday explained, surprised that Bella didnāt know.
āOoooh!ā Bella said, finally understanding. Then she pursed her lips in thought. āYou know you donāt have to bleed, right? The maidenhead is pretty stretchy. If youāre careful, it doesnāt bleed at all. The whole idea that a womanās first experience with penetration is some kind of painful right of passage is completely made up.ā
āOh, yes, know that, I,ā Friday agreed. āMisunderstand, you. Want to bleed, I.ā
Bella blinked, then nodded. āThe power.ā
āYes,ā Doctor Kalfu nodded. āSo, not tonight.ā
āI know a little about that aspect of blood magic because it overlaps with my own practice, but I never cared about it much,ā Bella tapped her chin thoughtfully. āIn my practice, the first time having sex is important, and power can be gathered from it, but the blood isnāt really necessary. I wonder where the differences come from.ā
āAn interesting thing to discuss,ā Friday said. āAnother time.ā
Bella chuckled. āSounds good to me. Want to get ready?ā
āWhat will we be doing?ā Friday asked.
āFor now, just drawing on each other, mostly,ā Bella said with another wide grin. She pulled open the tent flap like a doorman.
āMostly?ā Friday asked as she ducked into the tent.
Bella bit her lip in anticipation. āMostly.ā
______________
Ā
Jack sat cross-legged, naked on her bedroll, enjoying the warm summer night air on her skin and listening to the conversation happening right outside her tent. She could hear Bellaās voice, and the doctorās. She couldnāt make out all of what they were saying, but she knew Bella well enough to know when she was seducing someone. It was the same tone, the same forthright candor mixed with undisguised lust. It was what Bella had just done to Jack.
There was a part of her that loved it. It was so exciting, refreshing, familiar. It was Bella. She remembered being someone who was always proud and excited to watch Bella expertly draw someone in. She wasnāt that person anymore. Now, hearing Bella seduce another person hurt. It reminded her of what sheād lost, and the person sheād had to become.
It had taken her a very long time to get used to this new version of herself, and even longer to realize that she now possessed quite a few merits that the old Jack would have considered weak. It was strange how by forcing herself to become harder, sheād discovered the cracks in herself that had allowed her to become softer.
Now she didnāt know who she was.
She idly stroked the ring on her finger. That ring. The one that had changed everything. Quinnās ring. Willās ring. The one that bound them all together. She loved it and hated it. It was her greatest success, and her greatest failure. It was a loop of secrets.
Quinnās arms wrapped around her from behind. Anyone else would have caught an elbow in the face for that, but she could feel him. She knew he was there before he was really there. She leaned back into the crook of his neck. He tilted his head and kissed her on the temple.
āYou are troubled,ā he rumbled.
āI donāt know what to do,ā Jack sighed.
āMister Sterling, or Miss Fortuna?ā Quinn asked.
āBoth. Bella, currently. Will and I did fine today. It keeps flip-flopping. One of them will be supportive, and the other one will get mad. I think itās the island,ā Jack said, talking half to herself.
āI do not understand,ā Quinn said.
āOn the ship, things felt normal and safe. So, after I pushed him a little, Will was willing to say what was on his mind, which, of course, led to a great deal ofā¦ discomfort. I expected it. Honestly, it was a good start. Bella knew that, and I think she decided to keep what she was feeling mostly to herself, so she could be supportive of both of us, and not give me both barrels at the same time,ā Jack said, talking out her thoughts.
āKind of her,ā Quinn said.
Jack nodded and let her stream of consciousness continue. āNow itās the opposite. This island is dangerous, so Will isnāt talking about our problems. Heās being cordial, and professional. Now, itās a job. Thereās no place for bickering when you need to work with someone to survive. Bella isnāt like that. This isnāt anything sheās used to, so sheās stressed and trying to find something to do with that tension. Sheās looking for support, and also looking for a fight. With her, nearly everything is connected to sex in some way or another, so thatās mixed into both issues. It is all very tangled.ā
āWhich is the source of your current troubles,ā Quinn said softly.
āIt has been an emotionally trying few days,ā Jack laughed mirthlessly.
āAnd now?ā Quinn prodded.
āNow we have to have sex to fuel Bellaās magic, so she can do some kind of divination in the morning before Will and I head out,ā Jack explained.
āThat does not sound terrible,ā Quinn said, a hint of mirth in his stoic tone.
Jack sighed. āIt just feels so separate now. She was here. There was so muchā¦ wanting. A closeness Iād missed so much was finally there again. Then she left, and now her wanting is aimed at someone else, and mine is still aimed at her, but not able to reach.ā
āJealousy,ā Quinn said.
āMaybe. I donāt know. I think it is more like envy, really. I donāt wish Bella wasnāt doing what sheās doing, and Iām not upset at the people who are receiving her attention. I just wish I could be part of it,ā Jack said bitterly. She leaned forward a bit and rubbed her temples.
āThis is closer than you were,ā Quinn reminded her. He reached forward with his strong hands and took over the work sheād started, rubbing his strong fingertips into her scalp.
āThat makes it worse. It is so much harder to ignore now,ā Jack swallowed. She let herself relax, holding her face up with her hands as his fingers pulled the tension out of her.
āIs this not what you wanted?ā Quinn asked.
āIt is. I feel like steps in the right direction are being taken by all of us. I just want it to move faster,ā Jack said bitterly. āThis is the hard part.ā
āThe most satisfying victories are the ones hardest to win,ā Quinn advised, moving his hands to her shoulders, massaging with the skill of a practiced expert.
Jack huffed out a small laugh. āWhy do I find your insufferable warrior-poet nonsense so endearing?ā
āBecause it is,ā Quinn said simply.
Jack turned around, squirming into his embrace and straddling his hips. He helped lift her and settle her, his supernaturally strong hands lifting from beneath her toned thighs. āCareful of all the artwork,ā Jack said, gesturing to the sigils Bella had drawn on her body. Quinn nodded.
She took his face in her hands and kissed him tenderly. āYou never judge me.ā
āI do judge you. I judge everyone,ā Quinn corrected. āYou most of all.ā
Jack rested her forehead against his. āWell, you never make me feel like you are judging me. Youāre always supportive, and you always let me make my own choices.ā
āHow could I judge you properly if I were making your choices for you?ā Quinn asked, beginning to massage her neck and shoulders again.
Jack sighed and relaxed into his touch, then her brow raised as something dawned on her. āAre you making fun of me?ā
āNever, Mistress,ā Quinn said, his black eyes revealing a faint mischief. āI simply want you to have a full understanding so your choices are informed.ā
āSo you can judge me?ā Jack said, a challenge in her voice.
āYes,ā Quinn said with a small smile.
His fingers probed her tense shoulder blades, threatening to distract her but she remained focused. She glared at him for a moment, then stopped. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out for a moment. Then she shook her head. āHow did you do that?ā
āYou will have to be more specific,ā Quinn said.
āMake me feel better!ā Jack laughed.
āI am a well-practiced masseur,ā Quinn said.
āNot that,ā Jack said in exasperation. āMy mood.ā
āAh. Yes. I have noticed you react well to challenge,ā Quinn said simply. āSo I challenged you.ā
āYou did?ā Jackās brow furrowed. āWhen?ā
Quinn āYou claimed I do not judge. I informed you of the contrary. I challenged your statement.ā
Jack rolled her eyes. āThatās all?ā
āYes,ā Quinn said.
āI am that easy to manipulate?ā Jack asked, her tone challenging, but a bit afraid to hear the answer.
āSometimes,ā Quinn admitted.
āAlright. Why now? What makes me so easy to manipulate, currently?ā Jack asked, suddenly curious and still feeling a bit contrary.
āCurrently, your convictions are not firm, Mistress,ā Quinn explained.
āUse more words,ā Jack said, a hint of command in her voice. āA lot more.ā
āSome of this is conjecture. I did not, and do not, know your mind completely,ā Quinn prefaced. āJealousy is out of character for you. I suspect you do not believe your feelings are justified, but were indulging in the melancholy because you feel you deserve it.ā
Jack slowly raised one eyebrow. āKeep going.ā
āYou still feel the need to punish yourself. You frequently look for reasons to do so. When you cannot find reasons born out of convictions, you find reasons born out of interpersonal relationships. You do not bear Miss Bella or Mister Sterling any ill will, so when you say things about them that harbor resentment, I know they are not things you truly believe.ā
āYou donāt think Iām actually jealous, so it was easy to distract me from feeling that way?ā Jack summarized.
āYes, Mistress,ā Quinn concurred.
āBy challenging me? About somethingā¦ pointless,ā Jack huffed out a laugh.
āSomething without consequence,ā Quinn corrected.
Jack looked down at Quinnās chest, thinking for a moment. āThatās the clincher, isnāt it. Iām so tired of consequences.ā
āYet, you are still strongly motivated by challenge,ā Quinn elaborated.
āIām still impressed it took so little,ā Jack said. āI didnāt know you were allowed to contradict me like that.ā
āI would only presume to contradict when I believe doing so is the best way to serve you,ā Quinn said.
āHow does tricking me out of feeling bad serve my goals?ā Jack asked.
āI have observed that for many humans, guilt manifests as self-loathing. In some humans, those feelings inspire the desire to change. Admirable humans succeed in changing but, without fail, the transition from guilt to change requires a reinvention of the self. During that time, when a person is rejecting who they once were, but have not yet decided who they will become, humans become ungrounded. They lack conviction in all things, so-ā
āSo they do things, and feel things, that arenāt based on who they really are,ā Jack finished.
Quinn shook his head. āWho they wish to be, mistress. Who they are, in those moments, is exactly what they are feeling and doing.ā
Jack scowled. āWell, that is disheartening.ā
āIs it not reassuring to know that the heartache you were feeling is unnecessary?ā Quinn asked.
Jack closed her eyes in frustration. āMaybe, but now I know I was using it to fill in the gaps caused by having no idea what Iām doing.ā
āYou do,ā Quinn said firmly.
āI clearly do not,ā Jack countered. āIf I did, I wouldnāt keep feeling like this.ā
Quinn shook his head again. āUntrue. You are mistaking the uncertainty of not knowing what choice to make with the uncertainty of guilt.ā
Jack gave him a flat look. āIād say in this case, theyāre rather the same thing.ā
āNo,ā Quinn said. āNo more than clouds and rain are the same.ā
āCanāt have one without the other,ā Jack said pointedly.
Quinn said nothing. What Jack had said wasnāt precisely true, but for the purposes of the metaphor, it was close enough. He waited.
Jack sighed after a moment. āSo I need to get out from under the clouds.ā
Quinn gave her a small smile.
āAlright,ā Jack nodded to herself. āSo I just need to focus on doing things that make me feel less guilty. I still somewhat feel like I should not have to feel guilty at all, but I do.ā
āYour feelings of guilt do not come from your actions, Mistress,ā Quinn said.
Jack squeezed her eyes shut like she was in pain. āNo, they come from how Will and Bella feel about my actions. Because they donāt understand. And I canāt tell them. Itās so damned circular.ā
āWhat can you do about it?ā Quinn prodded.
āTry to earn their trust back, without focusing on the past. Atone, I suppose. Help them,ā Jack looked like she was finally coming out of her melancholy. She gave Quinn a small smile. āI can do that. Thank you.ā
Quinn straightened a bit, looking satisfied. āYou stated that tonight we will be assisting Miss Fortuna with a ritual.ā
Jack looked at her green paramour for a long moment, her eyes slowly widening. āYou were distracted me out of a bad mood and gave me something else to focus on, so that we could have sex?ā
āYes,ā Quinn nodded. āHas it worked?ā
Jack hit him with a pillow.
Ā
______________
Ā
āYou have anā¦ an Angel bound inside you?ā Alexandraās mouth was agape. She felt like she was dreaming. Even after hearing it from both of them, more than once, she couldnāt wrap her head around what they were saying. āHow are you talking? How come youāre the one in control? Iāve known you for years! How are you still alive?ā
āIām not a Vessel,ā Caine shrugged.
āOf course you are! If you are host to an angel, youāre a Vessel! Thatās what being a Vessel means!ā Alexandra said, flabbergasted.
āThatās not all it means, and itās not the only way to do it.ā Caine sighed. āTurns out, thereās better ways to do it than to resign some poor zealot to madness and death.ā
āIāll not have you blaspheming, Caine,ā Alexandra admonished him. āTell me without being insulting.ā
āFine, but itāll take longer,ā Caine snarked. āHave you heard stories of Chimeric people?ā
Alexandraās brows knitted in thought. It had been a long time since she had studied soul theory as an Acolyte. She knew the basics though. āYes. They are very rare. People that should have been twins, but are born with one body instead. Doctors claim one twin absorbs the other in the womb, but that seems far too sinister a description for my taste. From what I understand, sometimes they are born with patches of skin or hair that are different colors, or two different eyes. They usually have strange medical conditions, but are otherwise normal people. What does that have to do with anything?ā
āRight. Theyāre one person even though they have two souls,ā Caine said with a nod.
āI believe that is a matter of some debate among the Order of the Chalice,ā Alexandra corrected. āThey seem to have two souls, but those souls are so intertwined that it is impossible to separate them. Sometimes it is difficult to tell where one ends and the other begins, much like their corporeal bodies.ā
āWhatever,ā Caine shrugged. āThatās not the point. You understand the concept, so can we move on?ā
āVery well, continue,ā Alexandra conceded.
āItās like that. Iām him. Heās me,ā Caine shrugged, struggling to find the words. āWeāre different people, but weāre the same too. Like you said, itās impossible to tell where one of us ends and the other begins. Most of the time weāre together, but sometimes we separate. Usually, it feels like both. If we concentrate and meditate we can fully combine, or fully separate. Divinations force him to separate. Itās not comfortable.ā
āNormally you are superimposed, but when I look at you with the Sight it isolates you both?ā Alexandra suggested.
āYeah,ā Caine nodded. āGood word for it.ā
āLike an out-of-body experience?ā Alexandra asked, starting to understand.
āSomething like that. Yeah, actually. Thatās a good way to describe it, with one big difference. When we separate I canāt see through his eyes anymore.ā Caine said. āFeels like being half-blind, and half deaf.ā
āThat is what is happening right now?ā Alexandra asked, wanting to be sure.
āYeah. Itās not much fun," Caine said.
āWhy does it happen?ā Alexandra asked.
Caineās golden twin answered. āBecause of how your Sight interacts with my metaphysical presence.ā
āBeing observed is all it takes to force you to separate?ā Alexandra asked.
āMore like being observed forces me to pick between being separated and being together. As uncomfortable as separate is, forced together is worse. Imagine being locked in a trunk with another person, and every sound echoes, and you canāt uncross your eyes,ā Caine explained.
āThis is difficult to follow,ā Alexandra admitted, struggling to conceptualize what theyā¦ no- what he was telling her. āHow did it happen?ā
āWhat do you know about possession?ā Caine asked.
āWhich kind? There are a number of types,ā Alexandra asked.
āThe usual kind,ā Caine said. āA demon wearing someone like a raincoat.ā
āDemonic domination,ā Alexandra tilted her head in thought, surprised at what seemed like a non-sequitur. āIt is rare. Usually the final stage of demonic infestation. It is aā¦ parasitism of the soul. After a protracted spiritual battle, the host becomes unable to resist the demonās presence any longer. The entity enters the host bodily, and overrides the hostās will. Through that, a possessing entity can use the body like a puppet. However, it isā¦ imprecise. Where the soul can directly interact with the body it resides in, a possessor has to command the soul to command the body. Even the most weakened soul tends to fight the invading entity, so full, overriding possession is rare.ā
āAlright, now what about the other kind?ā Caine asked.
āWhat other kind,ā Alexandra raised an eyebrow, worried about where these questions were going.
āThe willing kind,ā Caine said simply.
Alexandra pursed her lips in disapproval. āDiabolism. Iād rather not speak of it, but the short description is, it is when some misguided fool deliberately invites a demon in.ā
āThatās good enough,ā Caine said, holding up a hand. āWhat do you think would happen if one of those Chimeric kids got possessed?ā
Alexandraās mouth opened, but she said nothing for a moment. The whole question was simply bizarre. āThey have two soulsā¦ so only one of them would be possessed? I honestly have no idea.ā
āLast question,ā Caine said. āDo you know how Holy Vessels work?ā
āOf course I do, that was the first thing Iā¦ā Alexandraās eyes slowly went wide. āI think I understand where you are going. This borders on Heresy.ā
Caine snorted. āNow maybe. Sure didnāt used to be.ā
āSo youāre a Holy Vessel with two souls?ā Alexandra didnāt believe the words coming out of her own mouth.ā
āNo,ā Caine shook her head. āClose enough though.ā
āThis isā¦ complicated. Why? What is the point? Why would the Magistrate do this?ā Alexandra asked.
āWhatās the point of Holy Vessels?ā Caine asked rhetorically.
āTo give an Angel a voice. To allow us to speak directly with the most divine servants of the Warden,ā Alexandra said, not really following.
āAnd the Vessels themselves. What happens to them?ā Caine asked.
āTheyā¦ are martyrs,ā Alexandra said sadly. āThe body and mind are put under tremendous strain by allowing their body to be entered by an angel. Most can only do it for a short time, and all eventually go mad or die.ā
āThatās true of all possession,ā Caine nodded. āThe soul isnāt meant to be used that way.ā
āIt isnāt possession!ā Alexandra snapped. āBeing a Vessel is voluntary! No angel would ever force themselves upon someone.ā
āTrue,ā Caineās golden twin said silently.
āYou think getting permission changes the toll it takes?ā the other Caine asked. āItās still possession, trust me.ā
āThat is blasphemy,ā Alexandra said flatly.
āFine. Iāll accept that charge for the sake of getting on with this,ā Caine sighed. āHow about we just say that being a Holy Vessel takes a toll on the mind and body that is similar to possession?ā
āFine, I will concede that the physical and mental side effects can be similar,ā Alexandra said, clearly not happy with the direction the conversation had taken.
āSo again, what do you think would happen if a Chimeric person got possessed?ā Caine asked.
āI have no idea,ā Alexandra shrugged. āI suspect you can tell me.ā
āChimeric people are used to having an extra soul,ā Caine said. āA possessing entity canāt just override the body or mind. It becomes a sort ofā¦ partnership.ā
āSymbiosis,ā Alexandra nodded, following along.
āGood word for it,ā Caine agreed. āThe point is, Chimeric vessels donāt burn out.ā
āWhy have I never heard of this?ā Alexandraās face twisted into confusion and disbelief. āThis seems like the sort of thing that could change the entire structure of the church.ā
āIt did,ā Caine said. āWeāre pretty damn rare to begin with, and then we had to be found andā¦ indoctrinated.ā
āMust you?ā Alexandra admonished.
Caine looked at her incredulously. āYeah. I must. This is my fucking life Iām talking about. Your church isnāt all hymns and charity work. They have done things that would make any diabolist look like a choir boy.ā
Alexandra opened her mouth to protest, but Caine cut her off.
āTo me, Alexandra. They did horrible shit to me, and I did horrible shit in their name. Because they told me to. Donāt even try to tell me I donāt understand. Your Magistrate? Todayās church? Itās built on a history of blood, and most of it came out of people who didnāt deserve what happened to them,ā Caineās expression was fiercer than sheād ever seen, so Alexandra wisely kept her opinions to herself.
āContinue,ā she said. āAbout the Chimeric Vessels.ā
āThere were never very many of us,ā Caine said after a moment to collect himself. āBut we sure did change the church. Think of everything thatās happened in the last two hundred years or so. The church went from being one of many religious institutions ministering to the people, to the Magistrate.ā
āAnd you think that is because of you?ā Alexandra asked, skeptical.
āDirectly,ā Caine nodded.
āAnd there are others like you? How many? Why was I never told?ā Alexandra was still grappling with the weight of what Caine had told her, and the enormity of the cover-up.
āI think you were, you just didnāt know what you were being told,ā Caine shrugged.
Alexandra gave him a long look. āSpeak plainly.ā
Caine held her eyes and spoke slowly. āThere were a hundred of us.ā
Alexandraās eyes went wide. āOh. Oh, my.ā
______________
Ā
Will blotted his face and chest dry with his shirt as he walked back to the tent he was sharing with Bella. The cold water of the lagoon had been brisk enough to take the sweltering mugginess out of the warm summer night. It was good to feel clean again.
His injured hand throbbed. Keeping the bandages dry while he bathed hadnāt been easy. Whatever the doc had put on it had definitely helped cut the pain and swelling, but it had clearly worn off. Still, heād expected worse. Bites never healed comfortably. Bellaās healing ritual had gotten rid of the rope burns and most of the smaller scrapes and bruises, but the bite had been too severe for her magic to do much about. At least the rum heād drank at the wake was dulling the ache.
As he neared the tents, he heard the muffled sounds of a womanās pleasure, just for a moment. A small inhaled gasp, and an exhaled moan of pent-up tension. His brows furrowed. He knew that gasp. He also knew the tent next to his instantly, even in the dark. Heād spent countless nights in it. Heād sewed up a few tears in it himself.
Heād been able to mostly ignore the knot of tangled emotions that welled up inside him whenever he dealt with Jack, but unexpectedly finding her tent next to his, and hearing the sounds of her passion, were too much.
āFuck,ā he muttered to himself. Whoās idea was it to put their tents together? Was he seriously going to have to listen to her and Quinn going at it? He knew she had more sense than that. She wasnāt an exhibitionist at all. When it came to displays of sexuality, she was practically prudish. Theyād discussed it a few times, and he knew she and Bella used to argue about it fairly frequently. Bella used to try to get Jack to show off, but Jack was always adamant. She called it ādecorum.ā
Will knew that if Jack was going to be having sex, sheād make sure it was as private as possible, so all he could guess was that what she was doing was deliberate. Why would she do that? Was she actually trying to upset him? She was prone to picking fights sometimes, but this didnāt seem like her style.
He stood outside the tents for a minute, trying to process what was happening, and how he felt about it. He found himself thankful that the tent was thick enough, and the lantern inside low enough, that he couldnāt make out her silhouette.
He was angry, but he couldnāt really place why. Theyād never been in a relationship. Sheād been his friend, and his partner, and while theyād slept together often, theyād always been very clear about maintaining their independence. Theyād both had other lovers, and neither of them was the jealous type.
So why was he mad now?
He found himself wanting to do something to disrupt her lovemaking, just to be petty, but he gritted his teeth and pushed those thoughts aside. He didnāt really want to make her pay, especially considering that she wasnāt really doing anything wrong, he just wanted to not care about it.
Why did he care? What had changed? Was it just the surprise of it? There was a lot of bitterness and frustration growing as he stood there. That wasnāt all though. Heartache was in there too. Loss. Mourning. Nostalgia.
He hadnāt seen their tents next to each other like that since theyād been on their first expedition together. Theyād spent hours laying next to each other, only the two thin walls of the tent separating them, talking. Theyād started out as rivals, but quickly became partners, then friends, then lovers. Theyād never needed both their tents since.
Until now.
Seeing the two tents next to each other was a brutal reminder of how much theyād lost. They were practically strangers again. Heād been hoping for some kind of reconciliation, but they were both such different people now. Was it even possible? She couldnāt give him answers, but she had finally given him an apology. Was it enough? Could it really ever be enough?
He wanted it to be, but it clearly wasnāt enough yet.
Was he jealous? He presumed it was Quinn in there with her. Did that matter?
āFuck,ā he repeated, less fiercely this time.
He hated jealousy. It was poison. It never brought anything but pain, and it ran completely against everything he thought love should be. Jealousy was the desire for control. It was the antithesis of love. It always came from wants or expectations that were full of problems.
So what was his problem?
As soon as he asked himself the question, it was obvious, and just made him mad at himself.
He wished it was him in there with her.
He rolled his eyes at himself. After so long trying to shed his feelings for Jack, trying to let go, trying not to care, all it took was hearing her moan once and suddenly he was all tangled up again. He wanted her. He hated wanting her. He felt like an idiot.
Then he heard another moan of female pleasure. Lower. Throatier.
Bella.
Was she in Jackās tent? That idea made him a little angry too. Not really because he felt jealous, but because it made him feel like the rug had been pulled out from under him. Bella was sometimes impulsive, and tended to think that sex could solve everything, but this was different. Sheād been very clear about what she wanted, and how she planned to get it. They were on the same page about how to handle the situation with Jack, or, at least thatās what heād thought.
He heard Bella moan again and realized it was coming from his tent. Then he heard a muffled laugh. A third woman. One he didnāt recognize.
āWhat the hell?ā he muttered.
His frustration and anger subsided as bewilderment took over.
The sounds of pleasure continued from both tents as he stood there in the dark wondering what was going on. To his surprise, in spite of the bizarre array of emotions moving through him, he found himself becoming aroused. He adjusted his pants and wondered if he should leave.
āWhen will he be here?ā the third woman asked in a muffled voice.
āWhenever the wake is done, I suppose. Why? Are you anxious or excited?ā Bella asked, half-tease, half-worried.
āA bit of both,ā the woman admitted.
He knew that voice. Her accent was unmistakable. What was Doctor Kalfou doing in his tent?
āSure, you, that he will be alright with this?ā the doctor asked.
āPretty sure. I know heās attracted to you. Thatās obvious,ā Bella teased. āIāll just ask really nicely when he shows up.ā
The doctor laughed. āQuite convincing, you.ā
Will rubbed his face with his hand. He should have known this was one of Bellaās schemes. He started silently laughing, in spite of himself.
āAre you almost ready?ā Jackās voice asked from the other tent. āIām growing rather tired of this waiting.ā
āWeāre almost done. Just two more lines to draw. We justā¦ got distracted,ā Bella snickered.
āYou have two minutes, and then Iām starting without you,ā Jack said.
āI love it when she gets bossy,ā Bella muttered to her companion.
Whatever conflict and anger Will had been feeling had mostly bottled itself back up again. There was too much here to interest him. Hearing Bella and Jack tease each other had been strangely compelling. It was comfortable and familiar, and gave him hope for himself. Then there was the mystery of whatever Bella was orchestrating this for. He wanted to know.
The doctorās involvement was the real clincher. Bella was right. He was very attracted to her, and didn't want to let his bizarre tangle of feelings about Jack get in the way of an opportunity to explore that.
Then the second thought hit. Without the anger, he was able to more easily think about the bigger picture. He could imagine a hundred different ways this situation could become awful. It was exactly the kind of precarious thing that his curse was prone to making worse. He wondered if he should just walk away and go sleep on the beach. That would be the safe thing to do.
Bella gasped and giggled again, and Will paused. She was like a compass. Sometimes following where she pointed was hard, but she always pointed him the right way.
He took the last few steps toward the tent and pulled back the flap.
Ā