My hands weren’t my hands.

That’s the first thing I noticed when I opened my eyes. Or I think I noticed it. Were they my hands? Were they not?

I couldn’t remember, holy shit, I couldn’t remember.

Breathe. Assess. What was around me?

White walls. Bright lights. Some sort of medical equipment monitoring… me?

I looked down over my body to see if anything was connected to any of my limbs. No, nothing.

I was naked, lying on a metal table.

I ran my hands over my face and through my short hair that cropped just below my ears. No, nothing.

I was panicking, and I didn’t know what to do. I bounced off the metal table and went to the windowless door of the room. The handle was locked, so I banged on the door with my fist furiously.

“Hello!?” I screamed out, hoping someone was there to hear me. Hoping someone was there to help me. “Hello!? Is anyone there? Please, help me!”

Who am I?

No one came. There weren’t any clocks in the room. I had no idea how the time passed. I eventually went back to the table and sat on it, drawing my knees up to my face.

I tried to remember anything. What was my name? How old was I? Was there anything I remembered before waking up here? Where was I born?

Nothing came to me. I was a blank slate, and I was terrified.

I was a woman. There weren’t any mirrors in the room, so I didn’t know what I looked like. My skin was pale, and I had three freckles that formed a triangle on my wrist. A few more freckles on my arms and legs. Large breasts. I cupped them, and they were definitely more than a handful. They also looked perfect. As perfect as I could imagine breasts looking.

I closed my eyes and tried to breathe. Time passed slowly, but it did pass.

Eventually the door opened with a soft whoosh sound, and a pretty brunette women with her hair up in a bun walked in the room. She wore a white lab coat over jeans and a shirt, and she gave me a gentle smile.

“Oh good,” she spoke softly to me, “You’re awake. I’m sure you’re terrified, but I’m here to help you adjust and understand what’s going on”

I was shaking uncontrollably. Tears stung my eyes. I didn’t know why. The only words I was able to get out was, “Who am I?”

She walked up and placed her hand on my arm gently. “That is a very complicated question right now.”

I didn’t say anything, but I was confused. I waited for her to continue.

“First thing you should know is that your body is a surrogate,” she started to explain as if it were a normal everyday thing, “The real passed on, and before you passed, you put yourself in our Celestial program. Meaning that when you died, we... uploaded your mind to a empty husk. All of your memories are safe. I promise you that they are there, but it just takes time to access them. You probably have a few weeks before you’ll remember everything about who you were.”

What was she saying?

“In the meanwhile, you’ll remain here at Celestial Headquarters, and we have a program here to help you get acquainted with your new body. Your new body is entirely mechanical. You are essentially a robot, an android, but you possess the cognitive mind of a human. And a very specific human.”

Is this real?

“You were previously known as Olivia Bartram. You were a successful business woman who made quite a fortune in alcohol marketing. You were very good with a particular brand of vodka, but I’m sure all of that will return to you soon. You lived to be the admirable age of ninety-two before you proceeded with the mind upload. You’re living body passed away earlier this morning.”

How did I know these weren’t my hands?

“And that’s why you woke up in this body today, Olivia,” the gentle voice continued to explain. “I know this is overwhelming… It always is. Please don’t be deterred by that. Trust me. We will do everything to help you transition easily.”

She smiled at me then, and I felt like I could trust her. It was a warm smile that touched her eyes, her age showing in the small creases at the corners. I remembered a phrase someone said to me once. Or maybe I remembered a phrase from a book? I wasn’t completely sure, but I remembered the phrase.

If a smile touched your eyes, it was genuine.

I didn’t sound mechanical.

I moved my arms around, listening closely. That’s what it was like in old science fiction movies, right? The androids or robots would move around with the mechanical buzzing to signify the gears moving in their body.

My skin was soft. I could feel touches. Goosebumps appeared on my flesh when I ran my hands up and down my arms.

It had been two weeks since that first day I woke up.

Memories still hadn’t returned to me, but I knew everything Celestial had on file about Olivia Bartram and her life, which honestly wasn’t very personal information.

I knew what she did in life on a professional level, but I still didn’t know who she was. What she desired from life. Who she loved.

The staff gave me the files to try jumpstart some of the memories. It didn’t work, but the staff members assured me to keep trying and it would come to me.

They all called me Olivia too, and I went with it. It felt wrong though. I still didn’t feel like her. I felt like an imposter, stealing an identity that wasn’t mine. That wasn’t me.

“Hey, Liv,” a masculine voice called out to me.

I turned and saw another surrogate, Alex Crenshaw, walking up to me and smiling at me. He was as handsome as always. As handsome as a robot with the conscious mind of an old man could be in his black dress pants and tucked in, white button up. He was too clean sometimes, too precise. Too perfect.

I didn’t care anymore though. He had been a lifeline for me during the past two weeks.

Alex gave me some hope, and a lot of fear too. He had actually begun to remember his past life. He explained it as if he sometimes got glimpses of a movie that felt really familiar. As if he’d seen all the scenes before. It wasn’t strange to him. It felt right.

He hadn’t recovered everything, but it was different for everyone. Some got it in pieces; Some got it all at once.

Regardless, the staff at Celestial said he was almost ready to transfer out.

Almost ready to leave me. I felt lost thinking about that.

“Hi, Alex,” I said as I put on the best imitation of Dr. Ross’s smile from that first day I met her. “How are you doing today?”

He reached out and put his hand on my arm. “Liv. I’m doing great. They’re saying I can go out into society soon… as early as Friday.”

It was Wednesday. Oh God, he could leave in two days.

“Oh wow. That’s wonderful.”

Alex grimaced briefly, but he quickly tried to hide it under the guise of a smile. “Yeah... “

We stood awkward there for a moment. I didn’t know what to say to him. Hey, I’m an empty husk without any memories of my former life, but I’ve really become attached to you these past two weeks?

“Liv…” his deep voice hummed out, “Please don’t worry. I know you’re afraid for when you finally remember. It’s not bad though… And anything you do remember, whether good or bad, it’s in the past. This is your second life. Anything you choose to do from here is your own choice, regardless of your past life.”

My smile was genuine now. I could feel my eyes light up to him.

“Alex…”

“Hey... “ he started, and I could tell what he was about to say was uncomfortable for him. He persisted though. “Liv, I really enjoy your company. You’ve helped me so much. I was wondering… I know I’m leaving soon, and you haven’t gotten your memories back yet. But would you consider… possibly… going on a date with me? Or as much of a date as we can muster here?”

A date?

“Um…” My eyes were probably saucers. I think we could have rehabilitated a family of surrogate transitions in the time it took me to gather my words. “Alex... “

I reached over and grabbed his hand in mine. His hand was so much larger than my own, and it felt wonderful to feel the size of it envelop mine. The image of my hand in his burned into my memory.

Was it my hand?

I looked up at him with determination in my eyes, “I would love that. Let’s do it.”

He smiled.

Our night started with dinner. It was simple.

We visited the commissary and got our normal rations. It felt strange that we still ate when we didn’t need to, but it was the action that made us feel normal.

The stolen touches in the commissary made me feel alive. He placed his hand on the small of my back when I walked ahead of him in the commissary line. I smiled at him, and he smiled back.

Lust burned in both of our eyes.

His hands stole touches often. Mine did too. Arms. Hands. Shoulders. Whenever we got the opportunity.

At the table, his feet found mine, and our ankles locked. Over clothing, but still enough to be electric. Was that human or machine?

Our conversations were awkward and rushed. We were going through the motions, but our eyes were on the prize. We both knew what we wanted.

After dinner, we made our way back to his room. We took our time, not wanting to seem eager, even though we were.

We saw Dr. Ross and said hello. She congratulated Alex on his soon to be departure. I pulled him away, intent on getting him alone and putting his departure out of my mind.

When we finally entered his room, I felt like a teenager again. That was a strange thought. I guess I kind of was. This robotic body was technically a virgin. I still didn’t have my memories of my past. How many partners did Olivia have before? Had she been married? How many kids did she have? Grandchildren?

I probably lived a full and satisfying life before this, but now I was here. Here to start over and here to share new experiences all over again.

From behind me, Alex pulled my jacket off my shoulders and dropped it to the floor, bending down to place soft kisses on my neck. I felt the hairs on my neck raise and a chill went down my spine. That electric feeling again.

Like hot, bright blue lightning spreading out through every limb.

I reached down, grasping at the hem of my shirt, and I felt him pull back briefly to do the same with his own. We both pulled our shirts off simultaneously, and I spun around leisurely, giving him a hungry look as my eyes took in the greek god before me.

I guess Celestial really didn’t skimp out on designing our bodies. He was actual perfection.

Lean, sculpted muscle.

I reached up and traced down the center of his chest, between his chiseled muscle, straight down to his belly button and below. He was so warm. Heat radiated off his skin as if he really wasn’t an… android.

“What are you thinking about, Liv?” his cool and collected voice asked, and my eyes flew up to meet his steel gaze. Striking grey eyes. Short black hair. Strong jawline.

“You’re perfect,” I whispered, staring up in awe at him.

He bent down and gave me a soft kiss, barely brushing his lips against mine, like a tickle of a breeze. His breath was warm on my lips as he returned, “So are you.”

Lust took me then. I bathed in it, washing away the anxiety of who I was, shedding whatever my nature was. I gave in to it, trusted it, believed in it.

My hands grasped the back of his head, and our lips crashed against each other, the gentle touches and soft kisses now buried in the possession of our lust.

His hands grabbed onto my ass and lifted me with ease, his grip on me almost painful but sending electric blue lightning to my core. My legs wrapped around his waist, and I could feel the moisture building between my legs.

He walked towards his bed, but before we made it there, my fingers tangled in his hair roughly, pulling his head back while I scorched his skin with my lips and teeth, trailing kisses and bites down his neck into his shoulder.

Alex let out a groan and dropped me on the bed. He lifted a hand to his neck and grinned sheepishly at me. “I think you may have left a mark.”

“Intentionally.”

He gave me a smoldering look and reached down to his black slacks, unbuttoning them and kicking off his shoes in one fluid motion. He let the slacks drop to the ground, stepping out of them.

My body was on fire. The sensation danced over my skin from the tips of my fingers to my breasts to my legs. I wanted his hands on me, but he was just standing there, taking off the remainder of his clothes while giving me a look that melted my core.

When he was naked, my eyes dropped to his cock, seeing him at full arousal. Again. Perfection.

My hand reached out to grasp him, but he took a step back out of my reach. He was grinning at me, and there was a mischievous twinkle in his eye. “Uh-uh, Liv. It’s your turn.”

My hands lowered to my pants, but he stepped forward then, taking my hands in his. He bent down, taking a nipple into his mouth, sucking and biting.

I moaned, bending over with my chin resting on top of his head. He still held my hands in his impossible grasp.

“It’s your turn… but I’ll take care of it,” his voice caressed my mind.

He pulled away and pressed me backward onto the bed. As I laid there, I felt his hands start to unbutton my pants, and his tongue rolling down my stomach. He pulled the pants down, bearing my grey underwear.

A flash of red lace panties burst into my mind.

Was that image of Olivia’s?

I didn’t have long to wonder about it. My body was breaking under his hands and his mouth.

His tongue ran lower then to the lips of my pussy, running down the length of my lips before coming back up. His mouth enclosed on my clit, through the underwear, and sucked, causing a gasp to escape my lips.

“Liv,” his deep voice purred out at me, “you smell wonderful. How do you taste?”

He pulled my underwear down, removing the rest of my clothing with it, leaving us both completely nude together.

He started at my feet, his hands massaging my feet briefly, then he worked his way up my legs. Kissing, stroking, and kneading my legs. He moved higher. At my pussy, he rubbed his hand down, feeling how wet I was, then entered two fingers into me.

“Alex!” I cried out. It was almost too much.

His fingers worked me for a few moments, I wasn’t sure how long, but my hips were lifting to meet the thrusts of his fingers. His other hand reached under me, grabbing my ass with enough force to nearly throw me over the edge.

He stopped suddenly, releasing my ass and pulling his fingers from me. He was staring up at me, locking my gaze with his, as he put his fingers in his mouth, tasting my wetness.

“Mmm,” his deep voice reverberating off my mind, “Decadent.”

His head lowered back to my pussy and his tongue began working on my clit, moving rhythmically back and forth over it.

“Oh god.”

My head was spinning.

Up and down.

My hands tangled in his hair again, my grip hard as steel.

Circling.

Alex’s hot, wet tongue might as well have been a lightning rod attached to my body.

Back and forth.

His hands gripped my hips tightly, his tongue traced the lips of my pussy.

Up and down.

He moved back to my clit, sucking and biting.

Circling.

I was lost in space. Not actual space. I was lost in the space of my psyche, the empty caverns of lost memory, now filled with intense pleasure and hot, electric blue lightning crackling and thundering through my mind.

I came with the loudest thunder crack in my mind.

I screamed, unable to form words as the waves of my orgasm washed over me.

I was still trying to process the sensations when I felt Alex’s mouth withdraw from me then felt the tip of his cock nudging its way in between the lips of my pussy.

“Yes,” I gasped aloud as his cock shoved all the way into me, filling me to the brim with him.

His head fell down into the curve of my neck, groaning in pleasure. “God, Liv.”

He began to withdraw slowly then push back into me.

With each thrust, I climbed higher and higher to a destination I wasn’t sure of. This was much more than I ever expected. Much more than I imagined.

I was still floating in that empty cavern in my mind, of my soul. Though it wasn’t empty. It was filled with sounds of his heavy breathing and groans of his pleasure. The electricity coursing through my limbs. I continued to rise higher as he fucked me.

His hands grabbed my breasts, squeezing, pinching my nipples, as he rocked in and out in a steady, slow rhythm. He took a breast into his mouth, licking and nipping at the bud of my nipple.

I hit the peak again in my mind as another orgasm washed over me. I was free falling in pleasure then. Unsure of anything around me but Alex. His skin against mine and his cock in me, fucking me.

At the sound of my second orgasm, he picked up speed, his hands falling down to grip my hips as his thrusts came harder and faster.

My nails raked down his back. I grabbed his ass.

My legs held him tight between my, and my pussy gripped his cock tightly.

“Liv, Fuck,” he groaned out as I felt a final crash of thrusts pound into me before he came hard, yelling out. His cum filled me, and my pussy tensed, tightening around him to squeeze out every last drop of him.

He slowly pulled out and collapsed on top of me, the weight of his body pressing in on my chest. I brought my arms up, wrapping around him, and he rested his head on my shoulder.

I listened as his breathing and his heart rate began to slow.

Minutes passed before he broke the silence.

“I’d like to see you again…” he whispered to me, as he rolled on his side, hands resting on my waist. “You know… After I’m out. After you’re out.”

I reached out, placing my hand on his chest, and I whispered back, “Me too.”

“I’m glad,” he said, wrapping me in his arms and kissing me sweetly.

We laid there together for a long time, enjoying the company of each other in silence. Our hands remaining in constant contact with each others skin, stroking, touching.

Sleep eventually took him as our bodies cradled each other. Our limbs entwined.

I was comforted by the sound of his slow and steady breathing, and time slowly crawled forward into the early hours of the morning. Sleep never graced me with its presence.

Something was bothering me. It felt like residual electricity from our lovemaking. All of my synapses fired off at once in my brain.

My hands.

I held up my hands, looking at them in the darkness. I felt absolutely aware of every part of my body.

These aren’t my hands.

Instantly, my mind was invaded by the memories of Olivia Bartram.

The red lace panties returned first in memory. Never touched. Never seen by another’s eyes. Forever in the lingerie drawer of a woman who worked too much through her life.

Dark and sorrowful memories of a ninety-two year old woman who never felt true love in her life. Never married. Never had children.

She died alone.

I died alone.

Surrounded only by her financial empire.

Surrounded only by my financial empire.

I had desired a second chance at life to find someone.

A moan left Alex’s lips as his hand slowly fell down my back and landed on my ass as he pulled me closer to him, our bodies pressing into each other.

I’m not alone anymore.

I stared at him in wonder.

A smile that touched my eyes.