"Call me if you need anything. I'll have my phone on the entire weekend."
My mother-in-law gave me a hug and pushed me on my way. I was so nervous, but needed a release. My husband had died a year and a half before, leaving me a single mom to a small child. Surely I deserved a weekend for adult time, but leaving my child was such a hard thing to do.
"I'll call when I can. Mommy loves you Ry Ry, be good for grandma and poppy. See you Sunday night."
"Ali, she's fine. Get going it's a long drive to New York. We will call if we need anything."
"Alright. I just..."
She cut me off. "We are fine, we will call if that changes. Go and have fun. Ryan would want you to be happy and have fun for a bit. You deserve this weekened."
I sighed, letting my face fall into a half hearted grin. She was right. I was only twenty-one, Ryan wouldn't have wanted me sitting at home with our daughter every day. He'd have wanted me to have fun, and even find someone else. I just hadn't brought myself to live without him, until now at least. I had come to realize I needed to move on. I guess that's why when John called, I jumped at the chance to get out for a bit.
John was a long time friend. We met when he was in the Navy serving with my dad. It wasn't long until we had a strong bond. He had been a big brother I never had. Our feelings recently had started growing past friendship, even past the brother and sister bond. So, when he called and said he was getting friends together to celebrate his homecoming from the Navy, and the acceptance into one of the finest law schools in the country, I happily accepted his invitation.
Of course, when I told my family and my in-laws I was going, I got questioned. Especially by Ryan's family. They had been pushing me the last few months to find someone. They hated seeing me 'self destruct' by being in the mourning stage so long. They had felt that after a year, I needed to at least date. They weren't shoving another marriage on me, but having someone, and some sort of life outside of my three year old was needed.
I told them it was just friends. Mainly his friends, but I was going out to congratulate him as well. I was told just have fun, and not to deny myself happiness or other opportunities.
I called John when I was about to his place. He was letting me stay in his apartment in Brooklyn. He met me downstairs when I came in, waving me past the doorman toward the elevator.
He grabbed my bag from my hand, and hugged me tightly.
"I missed you!"
"I missed you too. Thanks for inviting me out here this weekend. I've never been to New York."
"Glad you could make it. Tomorrow I'll give you a tour of the city."
"I can't wait."
"Let's get you up and settled in. How did Ryleigh take you leaving?"
"She did great. I was the one who had to be pushed. Lisa actually pushed me into my car and told me get going."
John laughed. He knew I lived for my daughter. The day I found out I was pregnant, my life changed. I had been sixteen, but was in a better spot than most sixteen year olds to raise a child. John was bummed at the time, he had always had a crush on me, but wouldn't risk dating me since I was a minor. John spoke again, "Glad Ryan's family was supportive of you coming out."
"Yeah. That's a good way of saying that." I said that very monotone, and very unsure what to think or say about them and their level of support.
"What does that mean?"
"They are convinced I came out here to get laid."
John burst out in laughter. He took a minute to calm himself down. After the initial laughter passed, he was able to ask, "What makes them think that."
"No idea. They've been after me a couple months to move on and date. When I asked if they'd watch Ry so I could come out here, they instantly asked if we were dating. When I said no, they said too bad, you were a good man and would be perfect for me and Ryleigh."
His face turned serious. I kinda wondered if I should be kept that to myself. I was very unsure what he'd say, and honestly wouldn't blame him for being upset. That's why I tried to add, "I don't know why I just said that. Let's forget about it."
"No. I'm glad you said that. I don't think it's a secret that I love you, and deeply care for you and Ryleigh. I do WANT a relationship with you, but I'm not sure if now is the best time. You said it yourself, your still coping with Ryan's death, and I'm in school. I don't know how it would work. Unless you're interested in trying to work on a relationship. We also have the distance to factor in."
I stood in the elevator totally shocked. I stepped out and walked down the hall with him as we walked to his place. After a moment of silence and thinking, I finally spoke again.
"I think, we should see how tonight and the rest of the weekend goes. We can talk about what we think we should do later."
John smiled, letting me know he likes that idea.
"Can we act like we are dating tonight though?"
I tried not to look to surprised or weird by this request, but probably failed.
"Yes we can, but I need to know why."
"My friends have been giving me issues about having been single for so long, and I don't want to deal with them nagging me. Especially because I'll have a hot girl with me. Plus, my ex from high school will be there, and I don't want to look like I didn't move on."
"Who's the hot girl? And, your ex will be there?"
"You are the hot girl. Yes, my ex, Katie, will be there. It's not like she's still part of my friend group just because, she's part of it because she is now engaged to my friend Mark."
"Didn't know you used the word 'hot' to describe your friends. So, you and Katie broke up, and your buddy gave her comfort? That sucks."
"Yeah, she couldn't date a man going into the military. She needed someone that was going straight to school."
"Sorry to hear that. I'll make sure you have a good time, and show me off. I'll be the best you ever had."
"You're the best."
"I try."
He opened his door and put my bag down.
"This is my place. You can take the bed, I'll take the couch. Sorry it's so open, nothing like your place at home."
"It's perfect. I'll take the couch though, or we can share the bed."
I had a smile on my face, and I was hoping that I didn't cross the line with that comment. He smiled back and said, "We will see."
"You know, back in Washington I thought you were gay because you freaked out when we kissed that one time.