I'm a writer who suffers from bouts of incapability - quite prolonged and terrible periods of incapability.
Perhaps, though, incapability is the wrong word for it. People say that they can't write without their muse and I too have periods where I feel I cannot write. I am, of course, wrong.
I create and build things for a living. I have to craft, every day, whether I want to or not. If I get it wrong, I take it down and I do it again, through gritted teeth, until I do it properly. When I do it properly, I learn from it and think about how to make it better next time. Practice makes perfect - and that's the same with pushing yourself through things you tell yourself you can't do. I have found many things in life that I said I couldn't do. I've done them all. I make it my aim to.
A muse is not the prerogative of writers and artists, necessarily, we all have them - or not - to a certain degree. A muse is not what I consider to be intrinsic and necessary for creativity - it is merely a boost; an inspiration. Your muse is the steroid injection in your inner artist. It is the thing that speaks to you and brings you out, firing on all cylinders. It is not the life blood, it is merely the glucose boost that makes you feel invincible. It is not the petrol in your engine, it's the NoS boost that makes your hair stand on end.
Every day I create. I don't always want to, but every day I create. It's what I must do. I take a similar stance with writing, lately.
I told myself for years that I had no inspiration, that I had no ideas or even a 'muse'. I've discovered it isn't necessary - it's just nice to have. If you put your mind to it, the ability and drive within you is always there, you just have to bring it out. I refused to sit about moping about my lack of inspiration and I set about dragging out that creativity. I told myself to get on with it and push through it. Yes, it was hard. You have to take a different approach when you write with your brain and not with the inspired heart. Words don't come easily, necessarily, and yet the words that come can be better than ever.
Your heart gets in the way, at times. The old idiom of 'killing your darlings' (removing, cutting, editing or killing those ideas, lines, phrases and words you hold most dear in your work, from a very sentimental standpoint) rings true. The heart lies. The muse lies. It cheats you out of your potential and tells you that it knows better than anyone else that what you just wrote is fantastic.
Take a step back. Look at your work with a different perspective and you might just find that the muse's offering isn't quite what you had in mind. Sometimes relying on your muse makes you too reliant on her. Don't be afraid to cut away from the sacred inspiration and take a tougher stance with your work. Look at your writing through the critical eyes of someone else. Distance yourself from your work and use the cold, intelligent reasoning of your brain to decide what best serves your needs - not the lustful, incessant promise of your heart.
If you sit yourself down, think properly about what you want to achieve and allow yourself the time and space to work through it and build up your own piece, you will find that you don't need your muse. You might even be better off without her. Consider your story a craft, something to be worked on and perfected. Build it up in stages, tweak it to your desire and make sure that every single word is perfect - not just to you, now, but to everyone. Leave your work alone and come back to it in a week's time and see if you still love that ridiculously ostentatious line you've been so unwilling to tamper with.
The muse is a nice thought, but it doesn't hold the keys to your talent. You do. Take control of your talent, bring out that inner spark and let your muse torment some other poor soul. She's not necessary and she's not always helpful. You don't need the adrenaline shot to the heart - it's already there, within you. Your muse will help you to write far more easily , for all things are easier when fueled by passion - but she will not create your best pieces. Only you can create your masterpieces. Yes, it's hard. Yes, it takes a lot of determination and yes, you will hate every single piece of your writing when you're done with it. Personally, I do not submit a story that I have not come to hate. If I don't hate the sight of my work, I haven't worked on it nearly enough. Past all of this, though, you'll find you're far more capable than you give yourself credit for - and perhaps even better than you ever thought you could be. You need only to believe in yourself.
It has been a couple of days to remember, actually! It's been really good.
God... If only. ;) I so would, ya know? ;))
To everyone - the judges and those who keep on supporting a self-doubting lunatic. You're all quite lovely, if I think about it long enough.
I see that you caught it too!!