Quote by angieseroticpen
Is there a simple way of downloading all your own published stories?
Sure is... go to My Stories in the drop down menu under your avatar. At the top is a section with "Apply to all stories". Select 'download' et voila.
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PhilU
16 hours ago
Straight Male
0 miles · Sydney
Forum
Forum Kan-Guru
Hmm... I just checked again and it really does look like nicola is not trying to fool me. I'm a bit stunned. I did think when I saw this topic, 'This might suit me,' but I never thought I'd win...
I really had no idea how the judges would pick this one... as I commented at some stage, it's possibly even harder to pick what people will find funny than what they'll find hot. I thought the stories listed 2nd, 3rd and 4th might take the podium spots.
Anyway... firstly, I wanted to say thanks to nicola for running the comps, which are always fun, and thanks to the judges.
And a big congrats to all those who made the top 10 and to all those who didn't but who still wrote some great stories.
I really had no idea how the judges would pick this one... as I commented at some stage, it's possibly even harder to pick what people will find funny than what they'll find hot. I thought the stories listed 2nd, 3rd and 4th might take the podium spots.
Anyway... firstly, I wanted to say thanks to nicola for running the comps, which are always fun, and thanks to the judges.
And a big congrats to all those who made the top 10 and to all those who didn't but who still wrote some great stories.
Forum Kan-Guru
Quote by LucaByDesign
Not so much now, but there was another writing site I used to visit where I could let my inner Demon Critiquer let rip — always delivered with a lovely dollop of honey, though.
Does anyone fancy a mauling? (No, please, only joking).
Ooh, ooh, pick me! Every once in a while, I ponder setting up a group or forum where everyone is encouraged to thoroughly rip into each other's writing (with membership entirely voluntary), but a) I don't have time and b) I imagine it wouldn't end well... The culture here is so nice, which is lovely, but it leaves me trying to guess when people are leaving a comment because they genuinely enjoyed my story and when it's out of hope that I'll leave a nice comment for them in return. But I seldom leave much criticism, because I'd hate to put anyone off writing, since we all started somewhere and, besides, there's plenty of stuff on here which is technically not brilliant but is hugely popular (I guess it's hypothetically possible that some readers here aren't interested in the literary merit of the smut they read???)
Quote by LucaByDesign
Also, I don't think the best writers always make the best critics. I wondered how this could be. I suppose what makes a piece of writing great is more than just technique, knowing the rules. This can all be learned with time, as can learning how to knock out an engaging, presentable story that has all the right bits — I am a case pinpoint, though some might disagree. But I think some writers just have that certain extra spice wired into them from . . . I'll be fucked if I know where from! (forgive the preposition — another rule to be broken whenever you can.
I think I see myself in a similar light. There are bits of story craft that, IMHO, I've learned to do reasonably well (from reading widely, looking at online writing guides and being generally self-critical, along with very occasional constructive criticism on here), but some people can just write stuff that just sings...
Forum Kan-Guru
Been a long time since I've set foot in here... I wonder what they've done with the place. Ahhh... absolutely nothing. Perfect.
Hi Rumplers, old and new.
I just wanted to add - if an entrant doesn't make the top ten, then they can still be proud of their work. And in this comp, like most, there'll probably be a few seriously good stories that don't make the cut, because they didn't quite grab the judges eye, or didn't quite embody the competition theme (in the judges' opinions) or there were just ten others that the judges liked a little bit more. And the point of entering comps, IMO, is more about writing the best story you can than about aiming to win. And if you've written something you and/or a few readers like, then you've won.
If Buz is still here and still upright, send him a drink for me! But I'll just have a coffee, myself.
Firstly, wow... 16. Perhaps we should have a badge for that. I think my record is 4 in a row. I wonder if anyone (Green_Man, maybe?) can top that? But yes, the deadlines are useful for making me do the final several rounds of editing and actually click 'submit'.
Hi Rumplers, old and new.
Quote by Buz
Story Comps: the stories will be judged on overall quality by several highly competent judges. In the end if any contestants voted down competitors' stories and recruited friends to do that also, all that will not matter. It is unfortunate, but that happens. The very best stories, like cream in milk, will rise to the top.
If an entrant makes the top ten, they should be proud of their work. If they make the top three or win the comp, they should be be seriously proud of their work.
If you enter a comp remember these factors, writing quality, grammar, plot-concept and story line, action, showing over telling, eroticism-sexual hotness, realistic dialogue, character development, and best usage of vocabulary.
I just wanted to add - if an entrant doesn't make the top ten, then they can still be proud of their work. And in this comp, like most, there'll probably be a few seriously good stories that don't make the cut, because they didn't quite grab the judges eye, or didn't quite embody the competition theme (in the judges' opinions) or there were just ten others that the judges liked a little bit more. And the point of entering comps, IMO, is more about writing the best story you can than about aiming to win. And if you've written something you and/or a few readers like, then you've won.
Quote by Buz
It's been one of the hardest weeks of my life, l can use a stiff drink. So, Jack Daniels in a tall glass on ice, and an ice cold Dos Equis, please.
If Buz is still here and still upright, send him a drink for me! But I'll just have a coffee, myself.
Quote by CuriousAnnie
...this is my 16th competition in a row, why you might ask. The answer is simple, because the deadlines are the one thing that gets this chronic perfectionist to complete.
Firstly, wow... 16. Perhaps we should have a badge for that. I think my record is 4 in a row. I wonder if anyone (Green_Man, maybe?) can top that? But yes, the deadlines are useful for making me do the final several rounds of editing and actually click 'submit'.
Forum Kan-Guru
Resurrecting this thread because the title amused me at the time, and because I need 69... votes [EDIT: of course, I meant views...] to get my first famous story.
And coincidentally, the title of this story (in context) also amused me, as did the one-liner. No idea if it amused anyone else, but if anyone's looking for some light reading over Easter and think that a tale of one young man and two young women deciding to go to a nude beach together (they also do some other things together, but I won't spoil the complex plot for anyone...) might fit the bill, then you might enjoy this one:
https://www.lushstories.com/stories/threesomes/do-friends-do-that.aspx
And coincidentally, the title of this story (in context) also amused me, as did the one-liner. No idea if it amused anyone else, but if anyone's looking for some light reading over Easter and think that a tale of one young man and two young women deciding to go to a nude beach together (they also do some other things together, but I won't spoil the complex plot for anyone...) might fit the bill, then you might enjoy this one:
https://www.lushstories.com/stories/threesomes/do-friends-do-that.aspx
Forum Kan-Guru
Quote by Verbal
The "hot tub of cum" thread will always be my favorite. I can never find it, though, so my memories of it becomes increasingly bizarre with time.
I don't know that it ever caused "heated debate." More like an "only at Lush" moment.
If you ask about this again, I may have to write the URL on your forehead...
https://forum.lushstories.com//yaf_postsm2857301_Swimming-pool-or-hot-tub-of-cum.aspx
Not exactly heated (umm, I mean the discussion, not the pool) though.
As for heated debates... yeah, guns and Trump spring to mind. Oh, and lots of discussions that move on to sometimes quite heated but very petty debates about completely off-topic things...
Forum Kan-Guru
Quote by laura
I think it's pretty telling that NZ didn't make this list. In terms of health care, we're good. Going to the Dr's is cheap, or even free for some families, prescriptions are $5 across the board, low crime rates, culture is an area we could improve on, and that is something the current Govt are wanting to do anyway.
The thing is though, NZ is a fucking expensive country to live in. We have just under 5mil people, yet we have the economy of a larger European country. People from overseas, the UK in particular, tell me quite a bit that it shocks them that our produce/meat/dairy is cheaper over there, than what we pay for it here. The NZD is shitty, everything is so expensive here.
It's the world's most livable city list, not the world's most livable overgrown country town
Oops, sorry, this is the spa...
Anyway, I think Auckland is the only NZ city considered for this list, and it came in twelfth (according to here).
I kinda missed this thread last year... it's fair to say that these ratings are always slightly controversial in Sydney, where everyone knows that Melbourne's weather is totally unlivable (I mean, winter max temps hovering around 13C / 55F ... pfft). I personally think that the smaller Aussie cities are probably nicer (less traffic chaos and pollution... even if Sydney's probably nowhere near as bad as many cities on those ratings).
But I doubt that Vancouver could be missing out due to high housing prices, given Sydney and Melbourne are 2nd and 3rd on the list (technically in the opposite order...), even if Vancouver just pips them both (https://www.afr.com/property/residential/sydney-melbourne-property-among-world-s-most-expensive-20200122-p53tm6 ).
Forum Kan-Guru
Quote by crrcrawford
I like the feminist take on it Wicked Jocelyn. I'd read that story.
@PhilU, I think Campbell's entire point is that every story fits into his generic framework in one way or another. But I'm not convinced by his argument.
Good erotica is about relationships and sex, but the reader needs a story to keep them interested. If they just wanted straight sex, they'd be on Porn Hub along with everyone else.
Yes, I'm not sure I explained myself very well in my previous ramblings. I guess I thought I was showing that you really have to push it a bit to fit silly porn stories like mine into this grand schema. But it can be done in lots of cases. I think that some of that is that humans are very good at seeing patterns in things, even when there really isn't that much of a pattern. I've heard this explained as roughly: Prehistoric man who sees a sabre-tooth tiger in the long grass ten times as often as there really is one there, lives to bonk lots of prehistoric women. Prehistoric man who thinks, 'You know, that's most likely just the way the light is falling,' just once too often, is removed from the gene pool.
Plus, stories reflect life to some extent. Life is kind of like a journey, and the most interesting events change us (the previous person 'dies' and is 'resurrected' as someone else) e.g. on this site, the first time having sex, or the first time meeting the right person, or the first time being tied up and used by 27 strangers.
Of course, there's still plenty of stories on here where the plot is basically that one or more people have lots of orgasms and then the story ends, so I'm not sure how that fits Campbell's theory. So yeah, I'm not convinced either.
Forum Kan-Guru
Quote by crrcrawford
In laying out the monomyth, Campbell describes a number of stages or steps along this journey. "The hero's adventure" begins in the ordinary world. He must depart from the ordinary world, when he receives a call to adventure. With the help of a mentor, the hero will cross a guarded threshold, leading him to a supernatural world, where familiar laws and order do not apply. There, the hero will embark on a road of trials, where he is tested along the way. The archetypal hero is sometimes assisted by allies. As the hero faces the ordeal, he encounters the greatest challenge of the journey. Upon rising to the challenge, the hero will receive a reward, or boon. Campbell's theory of the monomyth continues with the inclusion of a metaphorical death and resurrection. The hero must then decide to return with this boon to the ordinary world. The hero then faces more trials on the road back. Upon the hero's return, the boon or gift may be used to improve the hero's ordinary world, in what Campbell calls, the application of the boon.
I've just given slightly more thought to this than it possibly deserves - I think Campbell was really good at over-generalizing. So many stories can fit into the generic framework he came up with...
For example, here is my take on an erotic "hero[ine]'s adventure".
Catherine begins in a world of boring sex with her partner, but receives a call (well, a dream) about something more adventurous. With the help of a mentor (a psychologist and/or the friends who like to fuck), she travels on a holiday, and crosses into a world where people fuck people who aren't their partner in myriad ways, and enjoy it immensely. Her old, boring self metaphorically dies, she receives an overwhelming "little death", and she is reborn as a woman who loves to fuck. She shares this boon with lots of people, and everyone lives happily ever after.
Not too many trials on the road back, but hey, it was an attempt at a "Pure Filth" comp, and there was a word limit, or else maybe there would have been a dp trial?
Forum Kan-Guru
I was having this exact problem last night (ie about 12 hours ago). I've just logged out and logged back in again, and the forums are back to normal now (this didn't work last night... i suspect there was some issue with passing credentials to the forum site so people who had stayed logged in were okay but anyone who'd logged out couldn't get back in again).
Anyway, if anyone's having issues still... try logging out and then logging in again...
Anyway, if anyone's having issues still... try logging out and then logging in again...
Forum Kan-Guru
Quote by hidden_agenda73
twice in my career I was turned down for jobs, as I was discriminated against because I was not a woman of color, even though i was far more qualified for the position than the person that got the job, and yes, if you watch any TV these days, there are always people of color in them....even people of color, playing parts of white people, such as the King in the Broadway play Frozen, which takes place in Norway.....
you want to be my equal, you have to act like my equal and not receive special treatment that I am not able to receive as well......
We have a long way to go with racial equality in this country, partly because no one wants it to be a two way street, especially right now.
I got turned down for a job once, as it went to a woman who was less qualified than me. Perhaps I was discriminated against for being a man... or perhaps they took into account that the other applicant had worked harder than me to get into what's still a very male-dominated field. Or perhaps the one woman on the interview panel who knew me discriminated against me for being an arsehole (I was younger then, and would like to claim I've changed a bit since then)? But it's hard to know exactly why they rejected me...
But I'll definitely agree that you have a long way to go with racial equality in your country... as we do in mine.
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Quote by RumpleForeskin
Hi ya, Phil! As a 'Reform Druid' (we worship both trees and bushes) I can testify that for us, Kate Bush is a major goodness. ;)
So whadda ya wanna drink?
Hi Bill.
As always, just when you've got coffee ready, I'm ready to drink beer!
Well, that is, unless you have anything stronger which might help drag a competition entry out of the dark recesses of my brain. It's been much too long since I've managed an entry...
Forum Kan-Guru
Quote by TheTravellingMan
Have an extended version I've just found and as it's hugs week...
I'm not sure what they call Kate Bush fans - Bushies? Yeah, my innuendo sensors are going off. Anywho... hope you are feeling more awake soon.
Hi there, and hi to all the Rumplations crowd.
I'm not sure I'd call myself a Bushy, but I like Bush... well, Kate Bush, at least.
And I have an irresistible urge to post the link below - in the words of one commenter: "A showcase of three incredible talents - David Gilmour, Kate Bush, and that other guy's hairdresser." [Note for the vision-impaired: the bass player has an astonishing mullet...]
So, can I buy you a drink and we can talk about Kate Bush, Risk, cricket and absolutely, definitely _not_ politics?
Forum Kan-Guru
My boss might let me work from home more often. ("Hey, you managed it okay for months, so tomorrow should be fine.") But hopefully not all the time. ("Since you've got your home office set up, we've thought of a way to save on the cost of having an office at all.")
And maybe some people will realize that, if you vote for an idiot because he's not part of 'the system', or he promises you something, or he just appeals to your prejudices, and he wins, then you end up with an idiot in charge... Not holding my breath on that one, though.
And maybe some people will realize that, if you vote for an idiot because he's not part of 'the system', or he promises you something, or he just appeals to your prejudices, and he wins, then you end up with an idiot in charge... Not holding my breath on that one, though.
Forum Kan-Guru
I'm a bit sad to say that my first story here was not rejected (since that seems to have happened to the best writers). But it should have been - I feel bad about wasting a mod's time fixing up my dialogue punctuation and silly typoes.
I spent at least a minute thinking, 'How dare you touch my masterpiece. I know how to right gooder than any won.' Then I remembered that I'm a complete amateur and checked a couple of books on my shelf. I quickly realized that, actually, my punctuation was wrong, sent a thank you email, and I didn't make the same mistakes again (I made different ones, that other mods have taken the time to fix up).
The end result was something easier to read and less likely to drop the reader out of their suspension of disbelief while they think, 'What the fuck is that even supposed to mean?' But it's still definitely all my thoughts - any errors, boring bits, two-dimensional characters, stupid plots, depravity or bad jokes remaining are all my fault...
I spent at least a minute thinking, 'How dare you touch my masterpiece. I know how to right gooder than any won.' Then I remembered that I'm a complete amateur and checked a couple of books on my shelf. I quickly realized that, actually, my punctuation was wrong, sent a thank you email, and I didn't make the same mistakes again (I made different ones, that other mods have taken the time to fix up).
The end result was something easier to read and less likely to drop the reader out of their suspension of disbelief while they think, 'What the fuck is that even supposed to mean?' But it's still definitely all my thoughts - any errors, boring bits, two-dimensional characters, stupid plots, depravity or bad jokes remaining are all my fault...
Forum Kan-Guru
Quote by Buz
I see it first hand, as the other way around. Islands of mediocrity located in the poorest areas, which are far less than than most anywhere else in the world. Healthcare here is generally too expensive, but it is not often mediocre, and predominently excellent.
Yes, Americans pay more than anyone else, but they do pay it, and still have one of the best average standard of livings on the planet.
All that aside, we shouldn't have to pay what we do. The system needs to be changed. The ultimate reason it is more expensive is that there are too many hands taking a piece of the money pie.
I haven't spent enough time in the US to know exactly how large the islands are. But I have seen a number of reports suggesting that the US performs poorly on a large number of measures of health outcomes. Some of that is probably due to lifestyle factors such as consuming enormous amounts of high fructose corn syrup, but this report puts the US last of 11 countries in 'healthcare outcomes' and 'mortality amenable to healthcare' (ie people dying from things that could have been prevented if they'd received adequate healthcare). And, of course, the US is miles above all the rest in terms of percentage of GDP spent on healthcare...
But, ultimately, I agree with you - the system needs to be changed. And you might be right on the ultimate reason... although a related issue is that the most important things to do well (preventative and first-line healthcare) don't earn enough money. Much more financially rewarding to treat late-stage cancer in a big hospital than to prevent it occurring or catch it early...
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Quote by ComradePete
However, it is still the best healthcare in the world. Wealthy people from countries with socialized medicine still travel here for the best care.
You might need to define "best". I've seen the US healthcare system described as "islands of excellence in a sea of mediocrity". Fine as long as you're on an island...
Forum Kan-Guru
It's a good question, but ultimately I'll have to say, "Still too early to call."
Somewhat to my surprise (I'm not a fan of our Prime Minister, or our state Premier), Australia has done remarkably well at going from confirmed cases increasing at a similar rate to Italy or the US to having fewer than 20 new cases per day for almost two weeks now. Some of that was that probably that our confirmed cases were closer to the actual number of cases in the country than for either Italy or the US, some was the natural advantage of being an island, and some was Aussies being very aware of what had happened in China and Italy leading people mostly pushing the PM to go harder on lockdowns rather than rioting on the street about the idea. And some may have been pure luck.
So I'd say a solid B+ so far. Some marks off for mixed messages, a massive cock-up in letting people wander off a cruise ship before tests came back on a number of staff and passengers (several were positive), and a large cluster at an aged care facility which hasn't been handled well... I do realize that much of the rest of the world would wish that they were the biggest problems...
BUT... this things got a long time to play out yet. A vaccine is at least several months away, people are trying to figure out how to ease restrictions and the virus is still out there. Oh, and winter is coming (that's a nice, ominous line... I wonder if anyone's used it before??) Obviously, this virus can be transmitted in hot weather, and no one really knows yet if it's more easily spread in winter, but it's definitely a possibility.
Somewhat to my surprise (I'm not a fan of our Prime Minister, or our state Premier), Australia has done remarkably well at going from confirmed cases increasing at a similar rate to Italy or the US to having fewer than 20 new cases per day for almost two weeks now. Some of that was that probably that our confirmed cases were closer to the actual number of cases in the country than for either Italy or the US, some was the natural advantage of being an island, and some was Aussies being very aware of what had happened in China and Italy leading people mostly pushing the PM to go harder on lockdowns rather than rioting on the street about the idea. And some may have been pure luck.
So I'd say a solid B+ so far. Some marks off for mixed messages, a massive cock-up in letting people wander off a cruise ship before tests came back on a number of staff and passengers (several were positive), and a large cluster at an aged care facility which hasn't been handled well... I do realize that much of the rest of the world would wish that they were the biggest problems...
BUT... this things got a long time to play out yet. A vaccine is at least several months away, people are trying to figure out how to ease restrictions and the virus is still out there. Oh, and winter is coming (that's a nice, ominous line... I wonder if anyone's used it before??) Obviously, this virus can be transmitted in hot weather, and no one really knows yet if it's more easily spread in winter, but it's definitely a possibility.
Forum Kan-Guru
Quote by Guest
Totally overrated!
Guess it might be duck season...
Anyway, it's hard to know where to start with nice things to say about Rachel. In between helping to keep the site ticking over, entertaining us all on the forums and writing some amazing stories, she found the time to say nice things about a strange Aussie's early scribblings. And, well, I'm still here.
Thanks for all that you do around here!
Forum Kan-Guru
I try to reply to anyone who takes the time to comment on any of my stories. But I'd hope that that didn't influence whether they choose to read more of my stories... hopefully if they enjoyed that story, they might look at others of mine. If they didn't, then they should probably try some other authors...
And when I comment, it's usually to say, "Hey, I enjoyed that." I don't need any promise of thanks to say that - although I won't bother if the author hasn't logged on in a year or more. And I'll read more of their stories if I think I'll enjoy them... oh, and if I find the time and energy (sooo many stories to catch up on).
And when I comment, it's usually to say, "Hey, I enjoyed that." I don't need any promise of thanks to say that - although I won't bother if the author hasn't logged on in a year or more. And I'll read more of their stories if I think I'll enjoy them... oh, and if I find the time and energy (sooo many stories to catch up on).
Forum Kan-Guru
Well, I'll still be going to work on Monday (I think... I expect to be told to work from home any day now), and most things haven't changed too much. I'm even getting used to the empty shelves at the supermarkets (I think we started on that a little earlier than the US... the major chains have now implemented caps on purchases so it's not toooo crazy). Everything's mostly fine.
But...
THEY CANCELLED THE CRICKET!!!
But...
THEY CANCELLED THE CRICKET!!!
Forum Kan-Guru
Evening all. It's been a long time since I've dropped by, so Happy New Year to everyone. And I think I basically missed an entire comp... so much reading to catch up on.
And I'm a bit late for The Cure party, but I wanted to drop this one in, just because Robert Smith looks so young. Still sounds the same, though.
And, should a bartender or assistant bartender be available, it's beer o'clock here...
And I'm a bit late for The Cure party, but I wanted to drop this one in, just because Robert Smith looks so young. Still sounds the same, though.
And, should a bartender or assistant bartender be available, it's beer o'clock here...
Forum Kan-Guru
Quote by seeker4
Can one house with two people declare itself a country??
I think the correct answer is - yes, they can but everyone will either ignore their declaration or just laugh at them.
I just noticed that it's been almost 50 years since an Aussie farmer declared his little farm (75 sq km... 29sq miles) to be independent (and himself to be a prince) - https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Principality_of_Hutt_River . The courts don't accept it... especially when he suggested he didn't want to pay tax, but you might have more luck in Canada?
Anyway, it's been way too long since I popped my head in here. Hi everyone! Just not found much time for lush recently... maybe over summer I might even write something.
A coffee would be good, thank you Mr Barkeep.
Forum Kan-Guru
Quote by Shannon3K
Interestingly, though, there is one thing they don't do on your face...
"They don’t poo! The mite has no anus, and stores its waste in large cells within its gut... When the mite dies, its body disintegrates and the waste is released."
http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/notrocketscience/2012/08/31/everything-you-never-wanted-to-know-about-the-mites-that-eat-crawl-and-have-sex-on-your-face/
rainbow colours even. Alas I can't stand having pubic hair so can't do it.
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Well, it's Thursday here and the Ashes start tonight (local time), so I feel the need to mention the best story on Lush to reference the Ashes (okay, so I'm pretty sure it's also the only one). It even briefly explains what they are, before launching into naughty stuff and I tried to make it work for people who had no idea about cricket...
https://www.lushstories.com/stories/straight-sex/highlight-reel.aspx
As for most of what I write, I like the idea more than the execution...
And I'm not as excited about the cricket as I usually would be, but I will say: C'mon Aussie, c'mon! Beat the poms... or failing that, try to remember not to cheat...
https://www.lushstories.com/stories/straight-sex/highlight-reel.aspx
As for most of what I write, I like the idea more than the execution...
And I'm not as excited about the cricket as I usually would be, but I will say: C'mon Aussie, c'mon! Beat the poms... or failing that, try to remember not to cheat...
Forum Kan-Guru
Quote by Liz
Phil answered the irresistible beckoning of the backyard. Brightly colored birds frolicked in the breeze as they fluttered their way toward the winding creek. He closed his eyes and felt the warmth of the sun on his skin. The delicate scent of the clover underneath his bare feet teased his senses. The fragrance was so sweet he could almost taste it on his tongue. Fledgling robins twittered their chourused song in a nearby tree as he stretched his arms high above his head and farted loudly.
"God damnit, Phil!" shouted his neighbour from an open upstairs window. "Stop farting like an airhorn! And put some fucking clothes on!"
Some people think that the reason that kangaroos can jump six feet in the air is down to their strong leg muscles. But really, it's mostly the farts...