I had a request to post these lyrics which I wrote to be sung to the tune of Falling In Love Again.
Face full of cum again
It’s so de rigeur
Spunk all in my hair
Let’s change it
Porn’s always been the same
Laid the same old way
Every single day
Let’s change it
Men wack off to me like monkeys at the zoo
Let’s cast some hot guys, so girls can do it too
Arse full of cock again
Poking in my poo
When I need the loo
Let’s change it
Mouth full of meat again
I’m a vegan girl
Think I might just hurl
Let’s change it
Porn’s always been so lame
By the second take
All the cums are fake
Let’s change it
Men wack off to me like monkeys at the zoo
Let’s cast some hot guys, so girls can do it too.
We all know that Jesus was a big believer in exercise. "If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles," He said. (Matt. 5:41) But what were his views on diet?
While Jesus sometimes practised fasting (see Health, the Bible and You : Part 4 - The Amazing Soul-Cleansing Diet), and was not a believer in large portions (note the feeding of five thousand people with only five loaves and two fish), He did say much about the importance of eating healthy food.
Many believe that the Carbohydrate Addict's Diet is a new invention but it was Jesus who told the Devil that "man does not live on bread alone" (Matt. 4:4). He realised that our desire to pig out on carbohydrate rich foods such as bread, pasta and potato chips is a Satanic temptation which we must resist with all our might.
Though not entirely a vegetarian, Jesus no doubt concurred with Proverbs 15:17 : "Better is a dinner of herbs where love is than a fatted calf and hatred with it."
In order to fully understand this proverb we have to first realise that when the word "love" is used in English versions of the Bible it is a translation of the Greek work "caritas", meaning "high in Vitamin A". This is the root word from which we derive the English term "carrot", itself a root vegetable.
This proverb is pointing out that it is better to eat vegetables or herbs with a high level of Vitamin A than to increase one's cholesterol by consuming fat-rich meat products. To consume too much fat leads to the lack of social approval ("hatred") that is so often shown towards fat people.
It was through a steady diet rich in Vitamin A that the blind were again able to see. We all know that carrots help you to see in the dark, whether that darkness be of a spiritual or external nature.
But will this diet help me to lose weight I hear you ask? Of course it will. A heavy person could hardly walk on water.
For more Biblical dietary advice just send $55 to:
One Born Every Minute Pty. Ltd.
c/o The big spender by the roulette wheel,
Caesar's Palace
3570 Las Vegas Blvd.
Las Vegas, NV 89109
U.S.A.
You will receive my special set of 12 audio tapes and, as a special bonus, two free booklets entitled, Did Pontius Pilate Suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder? and Was Judas High on Twinkys™ When He Betrayed Our Lord?
I like Rosie's idea of a button at the bottom of the story pages.
I think one advantage is that it can encourage someone to give feedback they feel uncomfortable being public in the comments, and yet still be encouraged to comment more personally if they feel like it. I remember getting a comment on one of my stories that pleased me immensely because they lady in question made no bones about the fact that my story had had the effect that is the aim of all erotic stories, but later the comment disappeared, perhaps because she felt embarrassed about revealing something so personal publicly. Getting such a response does the world of good for the writer's confidence in his abilities, but I too would be self-conscious about being too graphic in the comments box.
I've been making up some descriptions of Alfred Hitchcock films if they had been made as porno films. I thought I'd post one here and see if anyone else wants to do something similar, maybe with currently popular movies. It could also be fun to make up parody titles like the ones they used to use for pornos in the 80s and 90s - Sperms of Endearment, Schindler's Fist, etc.
Psycho
Psycho is best remembered for its golden shower scene.
Frustrated office worker Marlon Crane is entrusted by his boss with delivering $40,000 to a client. Instead he takes the money and heads out on the highway. As night falls he pulls into a quiet motel that lies in the shadow of a creepy dark house. The clerk is a mousy socially awkward girl named Norma Bates. She shows Marlon her collection of stuffed birds and then leads him to his room.
Marlon is just washing off the sweat of his crime when the shower curtain is pulled back and there stands Norma with a huge butcher knife in her hand.
Marlon is so terrified that he loses control of his bladder and pisses all over Norma. Being a closet kink freak, this turns her on. She drops the knife, grabs Marlon's cock and drags him up to the dark old house for a fuck fest. Marlon thinks that all his Christmases have come at once, but he is a little troubled by Norma's insistence that he call her "Daddy"...
I think the biggest cause of writer's block is taking the writing too seriously and thus becoming perfectionist about it. The best way to get past the block is to make use of whatever ideas come to mind no matter how stupid or unworkable they seem to be. If they really are unworkable then you can always change them later, but the only way to get to the next idea is through the one you are not satisfied with.
The reason I don't write much other than erotica is that I don't take erotica seriously. If I were going to write a mystery story, let alone a serious deep novel, I'd be very fussy about plotting and characterisation and researching settings for the action. And I'd probably never finish what I was writing. But I can write erotica because it is trash where nothing really matters except to titillate and entertain. My expectations of myself are fairly low when I write erotica. Of course that doesn't mean that it is true of others. Of course there are great works of erotic literature, but that isn't what I'm trying for.
One of the best books on overcoming writer's block and setting free your imagination is Impro : Improvisation and the Theatre by Keith Johnstone. It is actually about improvising on stage, but the exercises he suggests and the basic philosophy of accepting and using your stream of consciousness have been tremendously helpful to me. In fact, I doubt if I would have started writing stories at all if I hadn't read his book many years ago.
The scene is a divorce court somewhere in Disneyland. Mickey Mouse is seeking to divorce his wife, Minnie.
"So, as I understand it," summed up the Judge, "you wish to divorce your wife on the grounds of insanity."
"No," Mickey replied angrily. "I didn't say she was crazy! I said she was fucking Goofy!"
I like the Disney character.
Thanks for pointing that out, nicola. But, damn, I can see it here fine. Am I the only one? I'll post it as a photo on my profile page just so all my work in creating the .jpg isn't entirely wasted.
because clothes, eh, they're so yesterday...
Well. I'll give two songs that totally destroy me.
The Ballad of Lucy Jordan (when sung by Marianne Faithfull)
The morning sun touched lightly on the eyes of Lucy Jordan
In a white suburban bedroom in a white suburban town
As she lay there 'neath the covers dreaming of a thousand lovers
Till the world turned to orange and the room went spinning round.
At the age of thirty-seven she realised she'd never
Ride through Paris in a sports car with the warm wind in her hair.
So she let the phone keep ringing and she sat there softly singing
Little nursery rhymes she'd memorised in her daddy's easy chair.
Her husband, he's off to work and the kids are off to school,
And there are, oh, so many ways for her to spend the day.
She could clean the house for hours or rearrange the flowers
Or run naked through the shady street screaming all the way.
At the age of thirty-seven she realised she'd never
Ride through Paris in a sports car with the warm wind in her hair
So she let the phone keep ringing as she sat there softly singing
Pretty nursery rhymes she'd memorised in her daddy's easy chair.
The evening sun touched gently on the eyes of Lucy Jordan
On the roof top where she climbed when all the laughter grew too loud
And she bowed and curtsied to the knight who reached and offered her his hand,
And he led her down to the long white car that waited past the crowd.
At the age of thirty-seven she knew she'd found forever
As she rode along through Paris with the warm wind in her hair ..
It beautifully captures the sadness of lost dreams exchanged for a life of quiet desperation. And it was used perfectly on the soundtracks of two of my favourite movies - Thelma and Louise and Montenegro.
Song for My Mother by Dean Friedman
In the hollow of your arms, snuggled up all safe and warm,
you used to tell me tales of unicorns and kings.
But how could I comprehend all the things you told me then
of your madness and your struggling?
And my mind would swim in fantasies, like a piece of driftwood in the sea.
I had no touchstone for reality. You were my reality.
Like a dark and unlit room or the far side of the moon,
your insanity spoke emptiness and fear.
And no matter how I tried, how I questioned and I pried,
I just could not penetrate that thin veneer.
And I know you tried to comfort me, to soothe and reassure me.
But then your strength would always fail and in it's place a silken veil.
Like a dried and wrinkled prune, A deflated toy balloon,
I came home and found you strewn across the floor.
And as they lay you on your bed I heard you say,
"If I am dead, how come it just keeps on hurting more and more?"
And you left me in the early spring. All they said was, "Mommy's resting."
And how was I to know, so young, it wasn't something I had done?
So please try and understand, I will love you as I can.
I do not blame you; you're not guilty.
But still there's no way to describe the relief I finally found
upon learning it was you, and not me, that was crazy.
It looks like nothing makes me cry like a woman who's nuts. But its a beautiful song that doesn't pull any punches about the agony of mental illness.
