When I visit a family friend, who is single, who I've had a crush on for pretty much my whole life, I go up to her guest bedroom with my penis pump, a laptop full of sexy porn, and while I'm not purposefully loud or moaning for effect I also don't really cover up my behavior. It would absolutely thrill me if she walked in on me or confronted me.

About 20 years ago I was unemployed and living off savings and I decided, what the hell, and wrote sex stories for FOX, your prototypical trucker-porn mag. I'll never forget their submission guidelines. "Your story must get to the sex, FAST." Pretty much everything I write now has a sex word in the first sentence, and a sex act in the first paragraph. "Your story must get to the sex, FAST." That's what we are all here for after all.